What is family?

In the wake of Kobe Bryant passing I have been thinking about this a lot. Since my daughter has been born I always say family are those that love my daughter and I love them back. It's those that show concern, love, care and don't expect anything in return.

We all know that family isn't perfect and family can mean so many different things to each person. On a personal level the meaning of family for me has shifted from the time I was born. My older sister, my mother and my father all passed away by the time I was 17. Unlike some people in my situations I had a special group of people in my life who always made sure I wasn't alone, my cousins.

I had a very tight bond with my mother and my cousins on her side of the family. My older cousins help raise me. They took me to school, taught me to read, were my playmates, confidant and best friends. All that changed when I moved to America at the age of 8 with my father and my half siblings. For years I didn't have communications with my loved ones until I was sent to Paris when I was 12 and was reunited with my big sister. Years passed again and my father passed away.

After this, my mom's cousin and best friend Ton Ton Wa Sanga told my cousin to look for me, make sure I was okay and to keep an eye on me. Mukendi found me and I am forever grateful to him and all my cousins.

Ever since our reunion I have been very close to my cousins. We are there for each other through the good, bad and in between. When I started my business it was my cousins who started sourcing and helping me. When I have to travel back to the continent I never travel alone. There is always a cousin or three who will change their schedule and accompany me. In fact, I am never alone. There isn't a day that someone doesn't call to chat with me.

When everyone realized that I was turning 40 we decided to have a big party for the celebration. My family hasn't thrown me a birthday party since I was 8 and boy did they do a fantastic job. Now I wasn't expecting anything like the TV show My Sweet 16 or anything like that. I understand that people have lives, children, career and their own life to live.

My family planned a party for a Friday night. They rented out a hall, did the cooking, decorated, got a DJ etc. They did EVERYTHING! Like all parties not everything went to plan but I didn't get worked up because I know they did it from a place of love.

We have been hearing the past few days the importance of telling people you care about how much you love them. I really hope everyone heeds that message. Life is short! Trust me, I have gone through a lot of loss in my life. It is important to find your tribe and cherish them. Certain relationships change, certain family members can be toxic but don't let them suck up your energy and time. In African culture we grown up together as a unit. Your cousins are your siblings. In these modern times with people living all over the world, you can still keep that connection. If you are thinking of someone give them a call, text them, FaceTime and tell them how much they mean to you.

Thank you to my family for spending months on doing something so special for me. I can't describe in words how much it means to me. It wasn't just the party itself but that the fact that you took all that time to plan, sacrifice and execute for me is amazing. I know it was your way of showing your love for me in a tangible way. Thank you to my American friends for making the trip and assimilating to the culture and embracing it.

Je vous love trop et merci!

I hope you all enjoy my birthday virtual album. Thank you for embracing us, encouraging us and being a part of our community. I appreciate you all and I hope we make you proud.

With Love,

Adolophine

Kobe's Example: Show Gratitude While You Can