Happy Mother’s Day to all those that celebrate!

Last year I did a social media post on how tough Mother’s Day has been for me. It’s not something that I was really excited about for a very long time. It became even harder when I wanted to become a parent and we faced disappointment.

During these times I ask you all that have the amazing opportunity to show your mother or the mother figure in your life appreciation to please take this chance. Some of us would give everything and anything to be able to spend a few moments with our loved ones that have passed. I send blessings to those that are having a hard time conceiving, adopting or any other means to become a parent. I stand with you.

Being home during social distancing gives you a lot of extra time to think. During these difficult times all you want is your mommy. I’ve wondered how she would advise me and what wisdom she would instill in her grandchild.

One morning during my February trip in Kinshasa I felt this profound sense of sadness. I was home but home isn’t the same without my mom. One year when I started weaning Georgette off breastfeeding I read a powerful sentence that stayed with me. I was so sad to lose the connection that you get from breastfeeding. I read something along the lines of “You will always be your child’s home base. No matter what happens in life you are always their home base and place of comfort”. Although I’m home without my Maman she will forever be my home base. I was feeling sad and decided to write her a letter. I decided to share it because I know a bunch of us feel this way.

Dear Maman,

To say I miss you is an understatement . To say I appreciate you is not enough. Being a mom has opened my eyes and has made me appreciate you and your choices even more.

I can only imagine how hard it was for you after you and dad split up. You had the courage to leave a relationship, buy your own house and hustle. You also made sure I had what I needed and that my school fees were paid.

You even buried your own child. I can’t even imagine the pain that stayed in your heart. I find comfort knowing that when you passed your beautiful daughter Mulunda greeted you at heaven’s gate.

You allowed me to leave Congo with a heavy heart hoping for a better future for me. We could have never imagines that it would be a final goodbye. You let me go knowing no one would love or treat me the same way as you do.

You gave all of you for me. Unfortunately we weren’t able to reunite in this lifetime. Your granddaughter who is your twin is wise beyond her years. I often wonder if that is how you’ve come back to me. Once when she was three she told me that she is here to love me. Once when we were playing outside she stopped running, looked up to the sky and said your mom is happy. I’m happy! I know in our culture when you name someone after your parent you treat that child with extra respect. They are an extension of the named parent. I sometimes wonder if giving her your name allowed you to come back to me.

Whatever the case may be I know that you aren’t gone forever. I know that you have never left my side. I know that my daughter always has someone to protect her.

Bankambwa betu batungunuka ni kwikala munkatshi mwetu, bwa bamulama, bamunanga, bamulombola ne bamukankamika. Kabatulenguludi to, batulama ni makanda, batukuba; anyima yabo kayitapuluku ni yetu nansha. Tshiluba Translation: May our ancestors always be there to protect her, love her, guide her and support her. May our ancestors never leave our side, keep us healthy and safe. May their spirits continue to live through us.

I am so grateful for your ultimate sacrifices for me. You are my true love, my soulmate and I miss you forever until we meet again.

Ado

A Mother’s Day Letter to My Maman